The Struggle
by Rainbow Katy
Summary: Reid couldn't stop after Tobias got him started and he is now spiraling out of control. He's reached the breaking point and needs saving. Will the team figure it out in time? One-shot.


The needle found his vein easily, like it was drawn to his pulse, waiting to dilute his blood with a clear, seemingly harmless, injection. It was nowhere near harmless, he knew, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't stop himself as he released the restraint on his upper arm which had pushed out his vein and pressed down on the syringe, Dilaudid contaminating him once more. Reid opened his eyes after a long moment, having just realized he'd closed them. The drowsiness was almost instantaneous and he found himself wanting to lie down, but he fought against it and settled with the pleasant cloudiness in his mind. He was almost used to the effects, no longer passing out from them. In fact, he recently had to up the dose, after realizing he wasn't getting the same, sweet high which stopped his troubled mind, if only for a little while.

It took him a while to remember he was in the bathroom of the BAU's office. He was getting so frustrated with everybody; Morgan, Prentiss, JJ, even Gideon. They kept … staring at him. And he didn't know why, but he just wanted to yell at them to stop. Reid knew very well how different he'd been acting since - … Tobias' voice entered his mind.

"_Tell me it doesn't make it better..."_

It did make it better. To him anyways. The memories that originally invaded his mind when he was first given the drug had faded now and he just had a pleasant numbness every time he used the drug. Being a genius sometimes was simply too much for him to handle. The constant thoughts and memories and facts and worries, they went away and he was calm. In fact, he took advantage of the peaceful moment and wandered back out of the bathroom to his desk, stashing the Dilaudid and his guilt into his bag to deal with later. Of course, they all stared at him. He smiled back at their confused faces; the obvious change in mood was no longer a surprise to anybody though. They all knew something was up but nobody said it, except the occasional "You know you can talk to me" comments from Morgan and the insightful thoughts from Gideon.

Reid breathed out a sigh of calm relief and turned to the files on his desk, reading over the documents and shuffling through the pictures. He wasn't able to concentrate as much as usual under the buzz, though, probably because of his up in dosage. Oh well. He would adapt. But, his eyes became fuzzy, the words blurring and blending together. Reid set them down rubbed his closed eyes, willing his vision to return. JJ called them into the conference room to discuss the new case. He cursed under his breath and stood, trying to act as if nothing was wrong but, as if on cue, he walked into the corner of his desk and barely managed to catch himself. Reid gave a shake of his head as Prentiss rushed over and set a hand on his shoulder, "Reid, are you alright?"

He angrily shook off her hand, "I'm –fine-. Just misjudged, okay?" His tone warned her to back off, which she did immediately, looking mildly hurt. Thankfully, his vision cleared up some and he was able to walk to the conference room without another incident, Gideon, Morgan, and Prentiss following after him slowly, completely silent. The young drug-addicted agent stuck his hand in his bag and curled his fingers around the small vial, the touch of his liquid relief calming him again and making him feel bad for snapping at Prentiss. He didn't mean to be so cruel, it just happened. The logical part of his mind told him the mood changes were because of the Dilaudid, but, the rest of his clouded mind pushed that thought away. It made him feel better and that's all that mattered.

They all took a seat around the large conference table where Hotch and Garcia were already seated, JJ standing by the large screen that held the difference crime scene photos. They were the same photos Reid had been looking at when his vision started screwing up and he could vaguely see them now. Suddenly, he wished he had read further into the case and felt completely out of the loop as they all began discussing the fine details of the case. It took quite a while for anybody to realize he had not put any input into the conversation and JJ finally said something about it, "Reid, what's your opinion on all of this? What were you able to analyze in regards to the un-sub's mind?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"No."

She stared at him. They all did but this, of course, was nothing new to him anymore. JJ couldn't stand it anymore, she'd been quiet about him being so different ever since he had been abducted, knowing he needed time, but it was becoming frustrating, "What do you mean you don't know? You have to know. You're … Reid!" She sounded irritated and annoyed but all he could do was shrug, struggling to keep his own temper, "I haven't finished reading the file. I'll get to it. Relax." The man slouched back in his seat and rubbed a hand over his face, already feeling like the drug was wearing away even though he had just taken some. Maybe a bit more was necessary... They were all still staring at him when he removed his hand from his face, "WHAT?" He nearly yelled at them all, causing all to jump but Gideon who only frowned in disapproval.

"Reid, take a walk. We'll speak when the briefing is over." It was a clear dismissal, so he stood swiftly and walked out without another word. He didn't go to his desk but back to the bathroom. He needed more. The earlier dose wasn't enough and he needed to do it before they were all done with the meeting so he could be calm when Hotch spoke to him. He knew how the conversation was going to go. How his mood has been plummeting, how they've all been trying to give him time, how now it's affecting his work, how maybe he should take a break. No. He didn't need a break, just a bit more Dilaudid and he'd be just fine.

Shaky hands locked first the bathroom door before he hid in a stall and locked that one too. He was always extra cautious as he sat down on the toilet and pulled out first the vial, then a new needle, the old one having been disposed of, and then the strap that held off his vein, all from his handy bag. He also ripped open some alcohol wipes and did a quick sanitizing of the inside of his elbow after rolling up his sleeve. The track marks were evident, some marks clearer from more recent uses. Reid stared at them for only a small moment before tying the strap on his upper arm tightly, his veins popping out more. He desperately drew more Dilaudid into the syringe than usual, even more than his latest dose, before pushing the sharp point of the needle into his arm. He pulled back on the syringe and watched blood mix with the clear liquid to make sure he had successfully entered a vein before releasing the strap and pushing it all back in.

He pressed a finger to the injection spot to make sure he didn't start bleeding, his mind and vision slowly clouding and he was shocked he didn't pass out like he used to. Maybe he really was used to its effects. Either way, he stuffed everything back into his bag after clipping off the needle into this small sharps case and took quite a bit of time standing up and making his way back out into the office. Several times he had to stop and lean up against a wall and close his eyes until the room stopped spinning. And when it came to unlocking the bathroom door, it took multiple attempts for his hand to reach the knob and turn it, and what felt like quite a bit of strength to open the door. What was left of the logical part of his mind knew he had taken too much, enough to be considered an over-dose but he was so lost in it, he couldn't fully comprehend what was going on or what he had done.

He glanced up in time to see everybody coming out of the conference room, all of them headed towards him. Reid did his very best to stand up straight but he wasn't sure how it looked to everybody else. Didn't care. The edges of his vision were blurring even further and darkening as Gideon reached him first and snatched away his bag. He tried to grab it back but he was sure he was stuck in slow-motion while everybody else was moving so much faster. Gideon dug out several small vials of the Dilaudid and stared up at Reid, looking almost horrified, "I didn't want to believe it. I hoped you were stronger and you could get through this. What have you done?"

The rest of the team watched him, all with the same sad look on their face as he attempted to cover it up, "No... No, it's not... what it looks like." It was getting so hard to stand now, let alone defend himself. It was no use anyways, especially when they all seemed to notice his still rolled up sleeve at the same time and took in the tiny puncture marks, "Not what it looks like?" Gideon whispered. The older man shook his head, "Reid. You need help. It's time to get you help."

That was it. He knew he was done. They had finally figured it out and were saving him from this downward spiral he was in. Reid was thankful, as if this whole time he was waiting for it to all be over. And with that sudden relief, he murmured a small "thank you" as he fell into the darkness.

* * *

Flashes of light caused Reid to open his eyes and he found himself lying down on a hospital bed as they rushed him down the hall into the ICU. He was suddenly terrified and reached up to tear the oxygen mask from his face but his hand was caught by another and he looked over to see Gideon running beside him, his grasp tightening, "We've got you, kiddo. We're going to protect you, now." Those kind words had him relaxing again and he nodded, believing everything he said, knowing it would all be alright somehow, regardless of the long journey ahead of him.

* * *

**So, I'm honestly not good with making chapter stories because it takes me forever and a half and decided to just do a one-shot. I –could- make a story out of this but I'm not going to unless I get quite a few requests. I'd really love some feedback on how this one was, though. First one-shot and first Criminal Minds story, which, by the way, I do not own Criminal Minds or anything like that, just as a disclaimer. Anyways! Pretty please let me know how I did. ~ Rainbow Katy**


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